I Saw My Shadow Chasing Me

I was at the train station last week, and I was just sort of letting my eyes (and my mind) wander. Suddenly, something caught my attention. My reflection was in the blacked-out windows across the street from me, clear as the real thing. But here's the curious thing. There were two of me in every window.

Behind and slightly to the right of me there was a second me. I wondered for a moment what the meaning of this curiosity could be. Speaking metaphorically, of course. Physics isn't my strong suit.

Was I  bearing witness to the end? I've lost my family, my job, my health, and my sense of purpose all in the space of a year. Through most of it, I've felt helpless, like an unwilling witness at my own fatal fall. I know that I overstate things here. I also know that I have to own the chaos and destruction I have wrought. I knew the choices I was making and the likely outcome of those choices. I like to tell myself it couldn't be helped. But I'm not easily fooled these days.

Perhaps it was the old me looking on as the new me turns a fresh corner. I am starting new in many respects. I need to learn to live without family. I have to find a new way to fill my days. I have pretty much given up getting a new job in my field. It seems nobody wants a middle-aged man with heart disease and no independent source of business.

Perhaps it was the good me, falling behind as evil me manages to shed the last vestige of my better nature.