Mood Swings

I go back and forth about God a lot.  I don't mean that I'm an agnostic, or that I'm not sure if I want to accept Jesus as my personal saviour.  (I don't.  No offense, but he's dead). It's in the Bible; check it out.
 Holy Bible, King James Version Old & New Testaments (with Book and Chapter Index, Searchable)

I mean I go back and forth over the idea that God is an active, present force or is more of a presence in a more passive, general sense.  I am in crisis, in a multitude of ways.  I have been looking around for various ways to guide me out of it.  Prayer, meditation, pharmaceuticals, therapy.  I've done it all. I'm still doing most of it.  But I have come around to the notion that Jim Morrison was right.  "You cannot petition the Lord with prayer."

But I'm still reading and staying open to the notion.

Each Thing's Dying is Another's Birth

A notion as old as history itself.  There is no knowledge of God upon this Earth, but merely supposition.  We cannot know what is beyond our ability to know.  This has been the notion put forward by Bhudda, by Vishnu, even by the ancient Greeks.

Orthodoxy is the enemy of us all.

The Peasants' Gods are More Fun

At least, that's what we learn from the ancient Jews, the Greeks, the Romans, and other early civilizations.  And yet, that's also true to some point today.  Try walking into an Evangelical church in the South on a Sunday morning, and then compare that to First Presbyterian in NYC or Chicago.  As the rich folks walk in to church, you can literally hear the sphincters slamming shut.

Of course, for someone like me who has spent his entire life scorning ritual and worship, convinced that the dogma and the rest would slowly cruch the life out of my soul and the fight out of my spirit, I feel somewhat at a loss.  If I find myself on a Sunday morning sleeping in, and then waking up and playing with the cat, am I celebrating God in the form of a small, joyful creature, one who shares with me the miracle of life?  Or is she just one of the little toys they use to distract you in the waiting room at Hell?

I like to listen to the radio when I actually get up early on Sunday mornings.  I like "Breakfast with the Beatles" on WXRT-FM in Chicago (they also strream on the net, for you who live in less fortunate locations).  Either way, I feel closer to God than I would in some stuffy chapel in a coat and tie, tryiong to stay awake for brunch.

Anybody Hiring?

As if my life isn't in turmoil enough right now, I'm looking for a new job.  I see the handwriting on the wall.  When the phone stops ringing, you know it's only a matter of time until the ax falls.

Nothing like being in your late 40's and looking for work.   It's so invigorating.  Like juggling flaming torches.

Misdirected Anger

What is it that causes us to take anger at ourselves and turn it against others?  Especially against people we supposedly love and would want to protect. 

I have spent a lot of time doing this.  Most of my life, in fact.  And now, having been confronted with that fact and having been hit over the head with it so hard that I can no longer deny it.  So how do I find a new way to live?  And how do I convince my former victims that I will not turn around and do it to them again?

I need to find out who I am now.  And then I need to learn how to be the new me.

But, Mom......

According to Russell (and other soruces, but I'm too lazy to look any up right now), most of the early cultures had a strong female god, who generally was associated with birth and the Earth.  I guess there is a pretty direct line between these older faiths and Gaia. Gaia: A New Look at Life on Earth

Male gods in many of these cultures are ascribed an inferior status and power.  I wonder how the shift from the females gods of the Egyptians, Sumerians, Babylonians, etc., transformed into the fiercer, less nurturing, more punitive God of the Jews and the Abrahamic faiths that followed?

Consider my first loose thread.  I'll drop others along the way.  Hopefully, I'll manage to remember to come back and pick them all up.  If I don't, feel free to remind me.

I have been reading A History of Western Philosophy by Bertrand Russell and Carl Jung's Memories, Dreams, Reflections.  Both books talk a lot about god.  I use the little "g" god because there are a lot of gods being discussed.  I'm not sure where I stand on all this, but be on the lookout for some god talk coming soon.